Every parent can testify that from the minute they look into the precious little face of their new baby daughter, they begin to entertain fears for her virtue. It doesn’t matter that she has just been born and no one but God can really say how she is going to turn out; it doesn’t matter that her mother was once a little girl herself and turned out alright in the end (if she does say so herself!) or that her father is a member of the dreaded sex that he believes exists for the sole purpose of seeing to the ruination of his girl-child.
She must be protected, barred from the world of men, set in the highest tower of the farthest castle in the deepest ocean in the farthest corner of the earth until she dies either from age or sheer boredom- at least, she would have died safe!
Okay, I exaggerate. You will agree with me, though, that some parents of teenage girls kind of go ballistic when they discover that boys have started to find their daughters attractive. They get hernias whenever they see their daughters speaking with a guy; hyperventilate when their young lady is talking with some guy on the phone and has the effrontery to look happy while doing it; and go into cardiac arrest when they discover that their sixteen-year old has a (saints preserve us!!!) boyfriend!
I am privileged to work with teenagers on a regular basis and it hurts me to observe how fears about relationships not only fuel rebellion, but alienate the teens from their parents. Girls have been called promiscuous or worse, been physically assaulted or humiliated in front of their siblings and relatives, given irrational curfews and accused of all sorts of things just to scare them into submission. This may put the parent’s heart at uneasy rest, but it forces the teen to seek alternative outlets for their emotions like pornography, masturbation and premature sex.
Listen, I agree that this is not America. This is Nigeria, where social relations between teenagers of the opposite sex, is not viewed with as much license. It is not that American teenage rituals are necessarily harmful; it’s not just in our culture to indulge practices such as ‘going on dates’ and ‘prom night’. People, we need to understand that though we may disapprove of the manner in which those teens express their attraction for each other, we cannot ignore the fact that our teens have those feelings too and they need to be dealt with.
The kind of exposure teens of nowadays have doesn’t make things any easier. They watch TV, go on the internet and hear what other teens’ parents allow. Everything they see is encouraging them to break out, take control, and make their own decisions. But more than these, they can’t deny that their heats beat just that little bit faster when they see that special boy (or girl, for the boys), or that when they are with them, everything seems better and they don’t want the time to end.
Because teenagers are teenagers, their feelings per time are erratic so a parent cannot entirely be blamed for discountenancing some of their more passionate affirmations of ‘forever after’ feelings for so and so. A wise parent, however, would get close to their teenager and help her channel those feelings positively and productively. A paranoid parent would rather have their child deny the existence of those feelings and command her to face her studies, asserting that if she had been doing the latter in the first place, they would not have committed valuable time to thinking about boys (or girls, in the case of the boys).
We need to stop burying our heads in the sand, hoping that if we close our eyes, the teenage years, and their attendant complexities would go away. Every teenager is different and needs to be treated thusly. We need to take time to acquaint ourselves with their ways and their world (after all, how can we fight an enemy that we do not know or understand?), and more importantly, acquaint ourselves with our teens.
There is a lot of information out there in books and over the internet that can equip us with the skills we need to chart the choppy waters of the teen years. But having done all to stand, we need to arm ourselves with the Word of God and with prayer.
We need all the help we can get!
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